Ami B. Kaplan, LCSW, Licensed Psychotherapist
113 University Place #1008, New York, NY 10003   (212) 358-1884   info@amikaplan.net

Some people find they're in the habit of assuming other's needs or agenda are more important than their own.   This is a habit that probably developed early on, maybe as a coping mechanism to deal with an overwhelming or a shaming person.  Or, it could have developed out of a need to hide -  like with a gay or lesbian individual who grew up not able to be 'out' , or for lots of other reasons.  Either way it's an unsatisfying and frustrating way to live.

change happens by:

• Recognizing what you're doing, where it's happening, and understanding where it came from.  Therapy helps deal with the inner blocks and fears that keep you from asserting yourself.  Sometimes it's so pervasive and so subtle it's hard to see that it's actually happening. Therapy helps you look at this.
   
• Practicing the new tools. 
  Therapy helps with learning actual ways of asserting yourself - (i.e. the nuts and bolts of HOW to assert yourself in a calm, healthy way that others can hear.) 
   
• Dealing with the changes in relationships that happen when you change your role.  Invariably if you have been timid with someone and you suddenly change the person is going to have a reaction.  Therapy helps anticipate and deal with the reactions so that the relationship is preserved and ultimately healthier.

See the Top 10 tips for asserting your agenda