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Let
yourself know what your agenda is:
Ask yourself: “what is it that
I really want in this situation?”
(be honest!)
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Give yourself permission to go after it:
Its ok for you to want something or to have a need,
even if others
want or need something else. Your need is important too. Ask
yourself if it feels like you have permission to want it.
-
Give yourself time: Don’t just “give-in” because someone is being persuasive or because
you’re in the habit of deferring. You can say “I really need to
think about that” or “we need to discuss it”.
-
Say
what you want:
Let yourself say it, don’t assume other’s know. In a relationship or
friendship also say why and what your feeling about it.
-
Make sure you’ve been heard:
“I want to
make sure you’ve understood my point of view, can you tell me what you
heard?” Get the other person to reflect it back and if they get it
wrong tell them. Keep doing this until you’ve been heard correctly.
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Don’t accept having your thought dismissed:
That’s just bad behavior and you can call them on it: “that sounds
dismissive” or “you’re being dismissive”, or “it’s not ok to just
dismiss my point of view”.
-
Beware of manipulation:
We don’t always get your way in life but we
can require others to
negotiate in an honest way – don’t accept emotional blackmail or
manipulation – even if you have in the past. Call them on it – “I feel
like you’re manipulating me”.
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Know your fears:
Ask yourself what is it you’re fearing that’s holding you back from
going after this thing. What are you afraid will happen if you get your
way?
-
Do
a priority check-up:
If you are allowing someone else’s needs to have priority over yours ask
yourself if that is really what you want and if its appropriate in this
situation.
-
Do the best friend check:
If your best friend described the situation to you, what would you want
him/her to do? Think about this one!
